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October 25th 2008 I walked into my doctor's appointment thinking everything was alright. To the suprise of me and the doctors a heartbeat could not be heard. An emergency ultrasound revealed my fears. My baby had died about two weeks prior. Sitting in my stomache was a dead fetus. I trip to the emergency and a paniced phone call to the father and a few hours later I was high sedated and sitting in a hospital room. By the next day I was waking up, still highly medicated in PCCA (A physciatric ward for children and teens). As the medication wore off the pain was too much. My baby died. Present Its still hard to handle it. But i've grown a lo

4 weeks pregnant. I've decided to go through the clinic IChoice for my first trimester. I've got my first OB on Monday, and weekly appointments every Thursday. So the glowing starts soon right? Because at the moment all I've got are mood swings, cramps, and heart burn (I hear that means perhaps my little one is going to have some hair?). To top it off I've got baby daddy drama. A man with a substance abuse who never calls when he says he will. Its like were not on his mind unless he feels its convienent for himself. I swear I'll be in labor, and he'll be too busy. Not to mention he'll be going to jail in a week (and quite hopefully rehab).

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I never thought a plus sign could be so absolutally terrifying! But sure enough two staired me in the face today (I thought perhaps the first was just a cruel joke. haha). I have my first ultrasound tommorrow morning. I'm waiting to break the news to the daddy (seeing as we are no longer together) and the general public until I know for sure that it is healthy. I have decided to keep it. I got a new tattoo yesterday. I want a love bird- I wonder if my mom will let me buy one, of if the whole 'having a baby' thing will make her say no. I need something to do for the next nine months.